Wednesday, April 13, 2016


With spring in the air, it’s always fun to look at the tops of trees for bird’s nests. I am amazed at how many you can find before the leaves fill in and the branches are obscured from sight. As a little girl, I remember my dad had an incubator. For all of us kids, hatching eggs in the incubator was such fun. My dad would carefully place the eggs on the little trays and then shut the door for a few weeks. The waiting drove us crazy, but eventually, we would hear the soft peep of newly hatched chicks coming from the other side of the door.

Carefully opening the door, we would find these little chicks that had broken out of their shells. Inevitably we would also find some eggs where the chicks had not hatched yet. I remember being so tempted to help the chick out, and probably would have had my dad instructed me not to. As a child I thought, why couldn’t I help this poor little chick in need.  If I help, he can catch up with the others who are already ahead of where he is now, and look at how much the little guy is struggling? My dad simply told me; if you help that chick out of the egg, it will die.

 For the last decade my husband has been my sprint/ hurdle coach. As my coach he has worked on, researched, and designed my training to give me my optimal chance of performing to my best ability. As my husband he has seen me work through exhaustion, disappointment, sacrifices, triumphs, and struggles. As my coach he could see the NECESSITY of the training protocol.  As my husband, I’m sure he has wanted to excuse me from many of the difficulties I’ve had to face. True support can be just as hard on the supportive loved ones as it is on the “dream chaser”. There is a level of sacrifice; a type of sweat equity that must be paid if an individual is to succeed.

Immediately following double hip surgery in February of 2014, I was in a wheelchair. At first I needed the support of the wheelchair.  I could stand with support for a short time but walking was not an option. As the days and weeks progressed my body began to heal and slowly I was regaining my strength. I wanted not only to walk again but I wanted to compete on the track again.  Each day I would push myself to walk more and more, I still needed the support of the wheel chair after these exertions.

It can be a tricky balance between 
standing on your own two feet and allowing others to support you

As a child, not helping the chicks break out of their shells didn’t make sense to me.  Today with more experience and maturity, I can see the necessity of working through struggles in order to gain personal strength. Once the chick has done the work of breaking its shell, it will need the warmth, food, and protection that comes from another source. Perspective is needed in deciding which things are the “eggs shellsI alone must break; and which are the “warmth, food, and protectionthat come from another source.  This line of continual progression also means that things that you once needed help with, you may not always need help with. Eventually the chick learns to find food and shelter on its own. From personal experience I can attest to how scary it can be to take on new responsibilities.

I recently read a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt – she said, 
“Women are like teabags. 
We don’t know our 
true strength 
until we are in hot water!” 
I would say that holds true for many of us. At times when confronted with a challenge and no option but to work though it we find that we have a strength beyond anything we ever knew. This type of growth can be painful, but I truly believe that this type of grown makes the strongest human beings around.

In the end I alone must run my race, but each time I come to the start line I have never traveled there on my own. I have gained strength through challenges I have faced. I have also had a number of people who have mentored, loved, encouraged, and supported me along the way. 
I alone run, but I’m not truly running alone!



Wednesday, March 9, 2016

self-improvement

Tripping Over My Own 2 Feet

Seeing the world in black and white... Setting impossibly high goals. Highly critical of self... Extreme fear of failure... Asking “what should my goals be?” ... Finding it difficult to even begin projects because the content must be perfect... The stars must align... Trying something new is very stressful because… what if I am horrible... What if I can’t be an expert right away... What if I make a mistake?

Recently I read a post by Phoebe Wright titled The Art of Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing. I love her posts and this one really hit home. She begins with this statement “Runners are great at being perfectionists.” As the post continues, she separates what matters and can have an impact on your racing from minor details that can take center stage and sabotage all your hard work. While reading the article, a small prickle started in the back of my mind and a question began to form. 

Could I be a perfectionist?

I wholeheartedly believe that we can talk ourselves into any disease, any disorder, any sickness we make up our minds to have. So I try to be cautious about what I delve into. I casually looked into general traits of a perfectionist. I was surprised at what I found. Traits like the ones listed above, plus a few more… constructive feedback feels like an attack, setting strict rules for yourself and never quite attaining when striving for your goals. These are all traits a perfectionist may have or does have.

Some of the research indicates perfectionists tend to get in their own way and can actually prevent themselves from succeeding. I can now say that, yes, I see myself as a perfectionist. And yes that was a surprise to me. I always thought of myself as driven and focused. Now I see that in the past I have focused so much on the end goal that I have sadly overlooked and ignored the beautiful journey along the way.

Ways to work through perfectionism – finding a new me!
  • ·      Work in shades of gray 
    • (no more black and white)
  • ·      When self-judgment rears its head, silence it with a focus on appreciation. 
    • (Plus no more casting judgment on others)
  • ·      Give yourself credit – when feedback comes, know your ability and view it as an opportunity to grow, minor tweaks to a racecar won't  turn it into a mini-van. 
    • (Remember, constructive feedback is not a personal attack)
  • ·      Smell the roses, take in the view, and acknowledge growth along the path to your goal.
    • (The end goal can still be important but should not be viewed with tunnel vision.)

Years ago Kyle and I took a trip to China for the Junior World Track & Field Championships. While there we hiked the Balding section of the Great Wall of China. We went with a tour group and we were told to be back to the van in 2 hours, no waiting for lost tourists. The section of the wall we hiked looped around but took a while to complete. Most tourists would hike partway then turn back to return on time.  Our tour guide told us that only one couple had ever hiked the entire thing with out turning around. A European couple had hiked straight up, took one photo, and rushed down. They were exhausted but made it back within the time frame. Kyle and I took the challenge to heart but we were unwilling to limit ourselves to one photo. Our plan was to hike for the first hour and if we had made it more than halfway we would continue around, or if not, we would turn back. We had so much fun climbing the wall. We stopped and climbed up into the old lookout towers; we took photos with other fellow climbers. We picked up our pace and head our breath and our noses as we walked pass the Chinese version of an outhouse. (trough and no doors). Looking back on the trip we had so much fun and took a lot of pictures. It would have been a huge loss had we decided to just run from one end to the other. And we made it back in time.

Less stress
Increased motivation
Boost in self-confidence

All of these are the type of athlete, mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend that I want to be. Letting go of my perfectionist tendencies will be difficult. The challenge I see facing me is… How do I work in more shades of gray rather than in black and white, at the same time not feeling like I’m dropping the ball? I pay attention to the details, probably too much and too many, but that is where I feel like I’m putting in hard work and discipline.


Truly I feel that making some minor tweaks to my personal lenses will place me in a position that will allow me to have some amazing experiences. Things like living in the present, enjoying the process, playing up my positives while down playing the negatives, and an increased love of self will open the door of new and better experiences. The key will be having faith that what I seek can be found by taking this new approach. I just need to relax and stop tripping over my own two perfectionist feet, knowing I’ll be happier for it.


Pictures from our trip to China in 2008


Me, Chris Carter, and Kyle - Kyle was coaching Christ at the time.
(Chris was the only U.S. Individual Gold Medallist 2008, he ran the 400 meter hurdles.)

 
The higher you climb the thinner the crowd

The air quality was just great!





One of the many guard towers. That is me looking out of the window.
View from the top of the tower, couldn't see any invaders.

 
I cannot begin to describe what that smelled like, but let me just say it was hot and very humid.

Fellow hikers on the Great Wall. 
I believe its a cultural thing for all Chinese people to hike the wall at least once in their life.


Sunday, February 28, 2016

Self Control Week


I am a huge movie fan. I have loved movies for as long as I can remember. My husband is more of a "give me a game to watch and I’m happy" kind of guy. So I tend to get my movie watching in on the weekends when he is traveling with the team. I remember watching a movie called CLICK a few years ago. In the movie Adam Sandler is able to fast-forward past the unpleasant moments in his life. He fast-forwards past arguments with his wife, meetings with his boss, etc., he is able to just skip that part of life and get to the good stuff. As the story unfolds his family basically moves on without him. Because he is not actively engaged with family, friends, and co-workers he slowly excuses himself from life. At one point he wakes up and finds that he has aged, he’s unhappy with his life, and wonders how things ended up the way they did. 
      
When I watched this movie I couldn’t help but wonder, am I placing myself in this same position? Looking at e-mails, text messages, or other things on my phone instead of listening intently to my husband and kids. Have I made choices to watch a movie or TV show instead of reading a book that I’ve been meaning and wanting to read? At night I have found times where I want to get to be early because I am in training, but as I am tucking into bed I find myself wondering where the time went. Why wasn’t I able to get the things done that I wanted to accomplish? Almost every time I have had this thought I stop and reflect on my day, and I can see places here and there that I chose either something else or nothing at all, over accomplishing the things of importance. Is it possible that I’m not alone in this? Could there be others out there in the same predicament?

If I’m not alone, then I propose that we wake our minds, shut off autopilot and make conscious decisions. No more of this driving to work and not even remembering any part of the drive because our brains were on autopilot. Dr. Manning told me of an experience he had eating one of his favorite burgers. The story goes that he was eating this burger while trying work at the same time, multitasking right? After a while of taking a bite, putting the burger down and typing, he looked down at the wrapper and his burger was gone. The thought crossed his mind “did someone come in and eat my burger, where did it go?”. This was one of his favorite burgers and because his mind was somewhere else he didn't even get to enjoy the meal.

This week I plan on taking some minor steps to put my brain in control of my actions. Each day of the week there is a challenge listed. The challenges are not meant to be difficult, but will require thought and a bit of self-control. Good luck to all (including myself) who endeavor on this quest this week.


Monday

Today I will brush teeth with my non-dominate hand

Case Western Reserve University did a study and found that small changes in a persons habits for example brushing your teeth with the opposite hand can increase your stamina for focusing on tasks. - source: lifehacker.com



Tuesday

Today I will drive the speed limit and not exceed the speed limit.


It is amazing the will power this takes. The longer you are in the car the more you realize how much we all seem to drive at least 5 miles an hour over the speed limit. Take a deep breath and keep an eye on your speedometer, tell yourself you can drive the speed limit. One thing to help you on this quest today is to look around and observe the other drivers around you, it seems that the faster the car is traveling the more tense and stressed the person. At least that is what I have observed when I've done this in the past. 

If you happen to by my father and already drive the speed limit on a regular basis. Your challenge this week and be to drive a different route than normal. Take in the new and different scenery, observe the different houses you pass.  



Wednesday

Today I will take 2 minutes and meditate

Meditation can increase focus, lower our anxiety, improve memory recall. Personally meditation allows me to spiritually take a moment for myself and connect with God. More information can be found at zen habits



Thursday

Today I will shower with the lights off


I cannot number the times I have been in the shower with the lights off and a lightbulb turns on in my head. I feel that the shower is one of the best places to think and also meditate. I'm not sure if the running water drowning  out all other noises, or the fact that no one can really bother you, no texting, calling, answering the door, nothing. The shower is my own personal sanctuary.



Friday

Today I will chew each bite of my food 20 times before swallowing. 


Yes this will take me longer to eat, but studies have shown this to be helpful in losing weight and reducing stress. For more information there is a great article on Zen Habits blog.



Saturday

Limit your time on your smart phone (outside of phone conversations) to 60 minutes


This will probably be one of the most difficult for me. For one because I don't pay attention to how much time I spend on my phone at any given time. For another because I use my phone quite often for a number of things. By unplugging from technology I open myself up to other things of value I may have been putting off up to now. 



Sunday

Today I chose to fast 2 meals


There are scientific benefits to fasting which can be searched on the internet. The benefits range from an aid in weight loss to positive things happening at the cell level. I chose to fast today for a more religious purpose in drawing me nearer to my Father in heaven. More information can be found at LDS.ORG
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