Jen in Spikes: March 2016

Tripping Over My Own 2 Feet

Seeing the world in black and white... Setting impossibly high goals. Highly critical of self... Extreme fear of failure... Asking “what should my goals be?” ... Finding it difficult to even begin projects because the content must be perfect... The stars must align... Trying something new is very stressful because… what if I am horrible... What if I can’t be an expert right away... What if I make a mistake?

Recently I read a post by Phoebe Wright titled The Art of Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing. I love her posts and this one really hit home. She begins with this statement “Runners are great at being perfectionists.” As the post continues, she separates what matters and can have an impact on your racing from minor details that can take center stage and sabotage all your hard work. While reading the article, a small prickle started in the back of my mind and a question began to form.

Could I be a perfectionist?

I wholeheartedly believe that we can talk ourselves into any disease, any disorder, any sickness we make up our minds to have. So I try to be cautious about what I delve into. I casually looked into general traits of a perfectionist. I was surprised at what I found. Traits like the ones listed above, plus a few more… constructive feedback feels like an attack, setting strict rules for yourself and never quite attaining when striving for your goals. These are all traits a perfectionist may have or does have.

Some of the research indicates perfectionists tend to get in their own way and can actually prevent themselves from succeeding. I can now say that, yes, I see myself as a perfectionist. And yes that was a surprise to me. I always thought of myself as driven and focused. Now I see that in the past I have focused so much on the end goal that I have sadly overlooked and ignored the beautiful journey along the way.

Ways to work through perfectionism – finding a new me!

· Work in shades of gray

(no more black and white)

· When self-judgment rears its head, silence it with a focus on appreciation.

(Plus no more casting judgment on others)

· Give yourself credit – when feedback comes, know your ability and view it as an opportunity to grow, minor tweaks to a racecar won't turn it into a mini-van.

(Remember, constructive feedback is not a personal attack)

· Smell the roses, take in the view, and acknowledge growth along the path to your goal.

(The end goal can still be important but should not be viewed with tunnel vision.)

Years ago Kyle and I took a trip to China for the Junior World Track & Field Championships. While there we hiked the Balding section of the Great Wall of China. We went with a tour group and we were told to be back to the van in 2 hours, no waiting for lost tourists. The section of the wall we hiked looped around but took a while to complete. Most tourists would hike partway then turn back to return on time. Our tour guide told us that only one couple had ever hiked the entire thing with out turning around. A European couple had hiked straight up, took one photo, and rushed down. They were exhausted but made it back within the time frame. Kyle and I took the challenge to heart but we were unwilling to limit ourselves to one photo. Our plan was to hike for the first hour and if we had made it more than halfway we would continue around, or if not, we would turn back. We had so much fun climbing the wall. We stopped and climbed up into the old lookout towers; we took photos with other fellow climbers. We picked up our pace and head our breath and our noses as we walked pass the Chinese version of an outhouse. (trough and no doors). Looking back on the trip we had so much fun and took a lot of pictures. It would have been a huge loss had we decided to just run from one end to the other. And we made it back in time.

Less stress

Increased motivation

Boost in self-confidence

All of these are the type of athlete, mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend that I want to be. Letting go of my perfectionist tendencies will be difficult. The challenge I see facing me is… How do I work in more shades of gray rather than in black and white, at the same time not feeling like I’m dropping the ball? I pay attention to the details, probably too much and too many, but that is where I feel like I’m putting in hard work and discipline.

Truly I feel that making some minor tweaks to my personal lenses will place me in a position that will allow me to have some amazing experiences. Things like living in the present, enjoying the process, playing up my positives while down playing the negatives, and an increased love of self will open the door of new and better experiences. The key will be having faith that what I seek can be found by taking this new approach. I just need to relax and stop tripping over my own two perfectionist feet, knowing I’ll be happier for it.